


Hell Is Other Demons

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Affection, Angst, Demons, Demons being dumb assholes, Fix-It, Fluff, Kissing, Ligur is so beautiful sometimes i forget to breathe when i look at him, M/M, some background stuff but this is primarily about Hastur and Ligur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: AKA How Hastur got his melted husband back.





	Hell Is Other Demons

Hell had never been a nice place to be. It was literally Hell, after all. It was dark, and damp, and crowded, and maintenance had never fixed the leak that was right by Hastur’s desk. The constant dripping of water was giving Hastur a headache.

Hell had only been just a little bit more bearable with Ligur by his side. Their desks were right next to each other, had been for centuries. Ligur would have threatened maintenance into coming and fixing the leak by now. Or he would have distracted Hastur by talking to him. Or dragging him off to a broom closet to give him a few kisses, run his hands down Hastur’s arms and soothe his frayed nerves. Hastur felt so frazzled without him.

Ligur couldn’t really be gone, could he? After all this time together, he couldn’t be. But they’d given his desk to another demon already, signed off on all the paperwork. Hastur snarled at a demon walking by and put his foot out to trip them, but even that didn’t cheer him up. What fun was causing any sort of mayhem without someone to share it with?

He still had the ring Ligur had given him, of course he did. Wore it on a chain around his neck, under his clothes. He shuffled through the papers that he’d rescued from Ligur’s desk before they’d reassigned it. Most of it was just old paperwork, outdated. There was a short list of phone numbers scrawled on the back of one of the papers, barely legible now from being stored in the damp air.

Michael’s number was on there, old wank-wings herself.

If the holy water had worked on Crowley, at least Ligur would have been avenged. Hastur winced, remembering what it had been like to see Ligur melting away, in such pain, such intense agony. Why did Ligur have to go through the door first? It should have been him. He should have taken the lead, should have done something. He’d screamed until his throat was raw, and later on he’d cried until his eyes were red and sore.

Maybe he should take his own holy water shower. At least then they’d be together again, in a way.

A pile of folders hit his desk with a smack, and he looked up to see Dagon glaring at him.

“You’re behind on your temptations for the month,” Dagon said, pushing the stack of folders into his personal space.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Lord Beelzebub will not be pleased,” Dagon said, unfazed. They drummed shiny fingers against his desk, adding to his current headache.

“Fine, fine!” Hastur growled, snatching the folders up into his arms. “It’ll get done, you suck up.”

He quickly lit up a cigarette and hurried out of the office before he could get written up.

He’d been avoiding Earth, being the place where he’d lost Ligur, but there were only so many places for a demon to go. In his haste to leave, he realized he’d grabbed the papers from Ligur’s desk as well as the assignments. The paper with the phone numbers taunted him. If anyone would know, well…

Hastur placed doubt in the mind of a priest, and then stole his mobile phone. 

“Hello?” Michael said, picking up on the third ring.

“Hey, f--I mean, it’s me. Hastur,” Hastur said, thinking he probably shouldn’t call her fuckface when he’s asking for her help. Or dickhead. Or any of the things he usually called her.

“Oh?”

He clenched his teeth. She’d never make this easy for him. “Look, can you come down to Earth? I need to ask you something.”

“Is it really necessary? I’m _busy_.”

“Look, I’ll owe you one,” Hastur gritted out. “Just fucking--five minutes. Hear me out for five minutes.” As if they both didn’t have all the time in the world, and all the time in Heaven and Hell, too.

“This better be worth my time,” she replied, and hung up.

A ray of light beamed next to him, and Michael stepped out of it.

“Well?” she said.

“It’s about Ligur,” he started, then had to stop. He did not want to give away his weaknesses in front of her, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Yes? I got the memo on that one. What about him?”

“You _heartless--_!” Hastur began to scream, then remembered himself, and merely began to seethe. “He can’t _really_ be gone.”

“Holy water,” Michael said. “He _is_ gone, for good. You’ve got to accept that.”

“Crowley didn’t die,” Hastur pointed out. “So maybe--maybe there’s a chance that Ligur’s still around? Somewhere?”

Michael sighed, glancing at her phone. She put it in her pocket and faced him. “What do you want me to do?”

“I was discorporated, and they brought me back,” Hastur said. “Maybe if we--if we find a piece of him, or something, we can bring him back, too?”

“I’ve never heard of that happening. And holy water doesn’t only discorporate demons.” She took out her phone again and peered at it. Well, she might have had better things to do, but Hastur didn’t.

“He was my _husband_!” He screamed. A few people passing by stopped to stare at him, but kept walking as he gave them all the most menacing look he could muster. “He was my husband,” he said again, quieter, but no less hysterical. He pulled the chain from underneath his clothes and held up the ring. “He promised me. He _promised_ me, Michael.” They were supposed to be together, a team, partners, husbands, _everything_.

“I can’t drop everything, because you want me to,” she said, but he could tell that she was thinking about it.

“I’ll get intel for you,” he said. “Whatever you want. And I’ll owe you one.”

“You better pay up, after,” she said. “I’ll give you today, but that’s it.”

Unfortunately, going to look for any remains of Ligur meant going to Crowley’s flat, the _traitor_.

“You go first,” he said to Michael, when they got there.

“Why? This some sort of trap?”

“For me, maybe,” Hastur said, angrily. “Holy water can’t hurt the likes of _you_.”

“All right,” she sighed, and miracled the door open. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Crowley?” Hastur called out, looking around himself wildly as Michael led the way through the entrance. “Anyone home?”

“You didn’t check to see if he was home?” Michael whispered, irritated.

“Fuck you,” Hastur whispered back.

Michael pushed open a door, and Hastur was suddenly overcome with sadness and rage. 

“This is the room,” he cried out, ducking behind the angel. “Dunno if Crowley’s got any more surprises.”

“I don’t think he’s here,” Michael said. She walked up to the throne and ran a hand along the armrest. 

“It was here,” Hastur said, going to his knees on the spot where Ligur had been killed. “Here’s where he got him.”

Hastur put his ear to the floor.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked.

“Well, what if he’s here and haunting the place?” Hastur demanded. “Or if he’s still melty goop and can’t talk so good yet?”

“Why not shrink down and look, then?”

“Shut up,” Hastur said, but did it anyway.

“Ligur?” he called. He was small enough to dance on the head of a pin, now. Not that he’d do that anymore. Not without Ligur.

“Hey, anyone there?” he shouted. He got down on all fours and licked the floor. “Tastes like him, he said to himself. He got up and began walking across the expanse, shouting as he went.

A piece of dust rolled by him like a tumbleweed.

“Call out to me if you’re here!” he called. “Come on, don’t leave me all alone!”

He saw something in the distance, and began running towards it.

As he got close enough, he could tell it was a sort of makeshift hovel. A shed scale was leaned up against a wall of dust. Hastur sniffed the air.

“Ligur?” he said, stooping down to crawl inside the shelter. 

A pile of thread was toward the back of the room, but as Hastur walked toward it, he could see that it was moving. No, shivering.

He reached out. “Hello?”

Two beautiful eyes peeked out from underneath the thread, two beautiful brown and reddish gold eyes that met his, and then suddenly his husband was in his arms again, shaking, grabbing at him like he couldn’t believe it was happening.

“Hastur?” Ligur said. “Is it really you? I’ve been so cold. I’ve been so cold, sweetheart.”

Ligur couldn’t remember ever feeling cold. “I’m here. It’s okay. I knew that bastard couldn’t keep you down. I knew it, I just knew it.”

“What happened?”

“Holy water,” Hastur said, wrapping his arms around him as tight as he could. “But, you’re okay, you’re here, we can get you a new body.”

“Don’t think you can,” Ligur said, shaking his head. “I tried to come back to you. I think I’m stuck here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t change my size. Couldn’t get back to Hell. I’m stuck.”

“No, no you’re--,” Hastur kissed his shivering lips, trying his best to press his natural demonic warmth into him. “You can’t be stuck. You can’t!”

“Hey, it’s all right,” Ligur said, cupping his cheek with a hand. Trying to calm him, but Hastur was the furthest thing from calm at the moment.

“You need to come back with me right now!” Hastur sobbed, pressing into him. “You left me. You left me!”

His tears soaked into Ligur’s skin, but Hastur couldn’t stop himself. He’d found his husband again. There was no way he was leaving him, ever. He’d stay here if he had to, live out eternity amongst the dust bunnies and dead skin cells. It wouldn’t be so bad, not if he could have his husband.

“You’ve got your ring out,” Ligur said, fondly, tracing the chain with his free hand.

“Was showing Michael,” Hastur admitted, letting more tears fall as he blinked.

“Michael?”

“Got her to come with me. Offered to owe her one. I had to get to you. Had to find you.”

“She’s a dangerous one,” Ligur said, pulling him close again.

“You don’t think I know that?” Hastur fretted. “Couldn’t come by myself. Crowley’s even more dangerous.”

Ligur wiped the tears from his husband’s face, kissed his cheek, kissed his nose.

“Stop,” Hastur said, but there was no heat in it. “We have to get you back. Then you can kiss me all you want.”

“Well, I would hope so, husband.”

Hastur smiled. Even after all this time, Ligur was still the only one who really could make him smile.

“Try one more time, to get back to regular size,” Hastur said. “Try it for me.”

“Here,” Ligur said, grabbing his hands and entwining their fingers. “Try with me. Together.”

“Don’t let go.”

Several things happened at once. 

Hastur screamed, unsure whether to be happy or not that Ligur was there, regular size, but also see through.

Michael, who had been sitting in the throne, legs up on the desk, looked up from whatever she was doing on her phone.

A few plants shook nervously.

And Crowley and Aziraphale burst into the room from the doorway, taking everything in.

“Are you back?” Hastur asked, poking at his husband’s non corporeal form.

“Missing a body, still, I think,” said Ligur, looking around.

Without hesitation, Hastur pulled him into his own body, in a sort of reverse-possession. But Ligur was there! He could feel him inside of him. Hastur tried to hug him, but only was able to wrap his arms around himself, and almost tripped.

“Michael?” Aziraphale was saying, not that Hastur cared.

“You found him?” Michael, who was looking at Hastur in astonishment, asked. “I guess this _was_ worth my time. I’ll expect full details later.”

She nodded to Aziraphale, and then vanished.

“We’ll get you a body again,” Hastur was saying. “They gave me another one. Only, I think Dagon’s mad at me right now. Called ‘em a suck up.”

“Well, we’ll just pull overtime to make up for it,” Ligur answered from within. “Working together.”

“What are you doing here?” Demanded Crowley. He was gaping at them. He was holding hands with the angel, too.

“We were just leaving,” Hastur and Ligur said together. As a last minute thought, they picked up a small potted plant. “Also, we’re taking this. Don’t try and stop us, either. So long, suckers!”

Hastur didn't actually know what the phrase meant, but he felt vindicated.

A few hours of paperwork later, Ligur had a new body, his old desk back, and Dagon had a new plant on their desk. 

Hastur tucked his ring back under his shirt, and took Ligur’s hand as they went off to lurk.

“You don’t want to leave it out?” Ligur asked.

“Don’t wanna lose it,” Hastur said, as they blended into the shadows of a cemetery together.

“I thought I was done for,” Ligur said. He kissed Hastur on his eyelids. “Thought I wouldn’t see you again.”

Hastur took Ligur’s arms and wrapped them around himself like a cocoon. A bat flew overhead, and they swayed together in the moonlight.

“I knew you couldn’t be gone for good,” Hastur said. He leaned his face up so Ligur could kiss him again. “Heaven lies all the time. It’s one thing I never forget.”

“Hmmm,” Ligur hummed, pressing his lips against Hastur’s ear.

“I missed you,” he said, “Couldn’t bear Hell without you.”

“You won’t have to.” Ligur’s arms were holding him, keeping his nerves from jumping all over the place. Keeping him safe.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaand the explanation didn't really fit in the story, but if you're wondering if i intended Hastur's demon tears to counteract the effects of the holy water--
> 
> you're absolutely RIGHT


End file.
